Autumn Leaves

So today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. This time of year always has some somber undertones but this year it's been harder than most. October to me is forever associated with the word loss. Not only because of this day-and that my twins due date was the 17th, but also remembering my dear friends who have lost so much this month. Sometimes I wonder, why October? Why is this the month that so many horrific things have happened to those in my circle of friends? It seems like such a dichotomy-outside I see beauty...such beauty. The reds, the oranges, the yellows---the golden fields of corn, the warm light of the autumn sunsets. However it's when those autumn leaves start to fall that I start to remember. I remember my friends sister who was taken in the prime of her life-with so much potential, so much promise. I think of my friend who just a year ago lost her baby boy, so new, so precious, so young. I think of my little ones-it's been six and a half years, and I know we never were able to meet in person and I never held them in my arms, but they were real. I will never forget that day-when I saw my baby on that ultrasound screen, when I heard their little heartbeat. They were real-they were mine, and I miss them. So in the midst of life as usual I will be remembering as these autumn leaves start to fall.

the only picture I have of my little baby

our little "memorial" for the twins