For The Birds

So I used to keep a prayer journal for a short time about 10 years ago. I never really read through it before, but decided to glance at a few pages the other night. I guess it made me discouraged more than anything. I was discouraged because many of my prayers were asking for help with my weaknesses-anger,jealousy,selfishness,anxiety, my lack of ability to love unconditionally and on and on. This made me discouraged because after 10 years,

many if not all of those weaknesses are still prevalent in my life. I guess I just felt that there should have been more evidence of growth, more evidence of trust, faith & other fruits that the Spirit brings. I know I'm different in many ways, but maybe not in the direction I want for my life. So here I am 10 years later-frustrated, discouraged, overwhelmed, and burdened by my failures and mistakes. Honestly I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing to get out of this rut i'm in. It's not only coming face to face with my stagnant growth, but just not making any progress with the direction I feel God may want our family to go. I feel so stuck, I have especially felt this way the past few months. I have an urgency in my heart and feel that if things don't start happening soon that it will pass us by. Maybe I'm not trusting enough, not listening enough, not praying enough. I feel that I will just have to add it to my laundry list of failures. I just want out, I want to start over, I want to do what God wants for our family-but feel at a loss of what to do. I just don't know what to do.