Don't Panic

So once again I apologize for never updating this thing--I guess time just gets away from me!  So you might be wondering how this pregnancy is going...and while it isn't the worst ever (I can't even compare to what some of you guys are going through) this pregnancy has been a challenge, and a test of my faith.  From the get go I've had to let go and trust that God has it under control.  The beginning of the pregnancy was very challenging.  I experienced spotting (later found to be due to previa) , which is never a good sign...and when I went in for my first appointment, I had that against me, as well as the fact that they couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler.    Even if you hadn't had gone through the pain of multiple miscarriages before this experience it would have been hard--but having those experiences under my belt it was hard not to be discouraged, to feel defeated, to not let the worst case scenarios run through my head.  All I could do was to lean on the words that God had given me and be content with whatever the outcome.  Even if the results were bad, there is nothing I could do that would change it, I just had to rest in the fact that no matter what, God knows what is best for me, He knows what I can handle, and He knows what is best for my family.  So I had an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok, and it was.  The first thing I saw was my little baby moving around and "waving" at me, as if to say see mom, I'm just fine-and God was like see, you just have to trust me! And that's how it's been...finding myself in times where I just have to let go and just trust. But that's really how all of life is, especially when it comes to our children.  I can scare myself silly thinking of all the things that could happen to my kids, the world they have to grow up in, wondering if I will mess them up.  But God is constantly teaching me that I need to let Him have control-and trust that He knows what is best for my family and myself.  He also has to remind me over and over how much He loves my family...and me.  But He always does even in my doubt...I'm thankful for His constant patience with me, and His grace when I continue to fail.

"Don't panic, I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God.  I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."  Isaiah 40:10 (The Message)